In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Ever Merciful.
One day after the first MCO ended, I went back to work with heavy heart. I felt extremely suffocated with all the troubles that came up due to the consequence of the pandemic. I started to get anxious whenever I think about it. To fight it alone is a struggle. Pretty tough battle. But eventually, 'surely, with hardship comes ease'. I hold my faith tightly, tighter than ever. I pledge to Him that only He that I have. Only He can ease everything for me. Only He is sufficient for me.
During the first MCO, it was the time I realized that I needed the most. The time for slowing down, reflecting and appreciating a lot of things even the smallest ones. Until one day, I discovered this one beautiful du'a from the Quran. It's the du'a of Prophet Nuh (AS). The du'a goes like this:
"My Lord! Allow me a blessed landing, for You are the best accommodator."
"Ya Tuhanku, tempatkanlah aku pada tempat yang diberkati dan Engkau adalah sebaik-baik pemberi tempat."
(Al-Mu'minoon : 29)
I recited this du'a while walking up the stairs to the entrance of my school. In hope I find guidance on what to do next; it's either to keep going with my school or closing it down. I have doubt over this throughout the MCO-CMCO period because it wasn't easy for me even for all of us to cope with. The day goes by until one day it's time up. It's time restructure everything. That was the day I knew it is the time. The time has arrived and I need to move on; by finding a new place.
By finding what makes me feel THIS IS IT! BINGO.
Do you believe in your own instinct? Sometimes, I do. Most of the time, it gives us the right signal but it is us that ignore it. I used to ignore it and .... things happened. After it happened, then I realized that my feelings are valuable too which I shouldn't ignore and deny it. I should take a time to understand my own feelings. That matters too. My biggest mistake, I don't listen to myself attentively. I ignore it quickly when it gives me the signal that I needed to follow through. I am stubborn. That's what I can say about myself. The good part about being stubborn, I don't let myself to give up easily. I fall down, bruised and then get back up again; going through my days by trying to be better each day. What a process. One thing about the process, it helps my growth a lot! That is something I am grateful for and I don't want to trade in with anything else.
Having my own business means my reliance to Him becomes greater. I work by my own, I earn from services that I provided, if I don't show up every day to work, I earn nothing. To live in this life there is the concept of earning to survive. I have no choice but to wake up, gather myself and work the best possible way I could to survive. I set the intention before I decided to keep doing my business. I even jotted down my list of intentions to open my own school. If this business can be my 'ladang pahala' then, I want it. I would do it as He pleased. Nothing else. Let my work becomes my form of worship that is honorable in His eyes. I just want that. Nothing else. I want Him to love me. Hence, the school; which I hope it will sustain until the day of my last breath. My one and only ally throughout the loneliest journey in business is absolutely Him. How could I deny everything He decree upon me? He is full of surprises. Glory to Allah! He sent me an unexpected gift which surprised me when I thought about nothing would save me. But, He saved me and surprised me when I least expect it.
Now I do understand when He hasn't answer my du'a, He eventually would give something else that is far greater than what I have asked for. Sometimes, it became double. Meaning, I was asking for one thing but He would give me a package that completes everything. All praises definitely belong to Him alone. Who are we to defy everything He has decreed upon us?
We are nothing.
Without Him, we are none.
Therefore, the recent gifts (the school, the opportunity, the new kind people and all blessings) are the special ones. I feel special to receive each one of it. Alhamdulillah, for another opportunity to live and experience life in such a beautiful way. I hope you too realize a gift that you have been given by Him. Let's we take a time to ponder upon the blessings we have been showered with despite the trials along the way of our journey. The journey won't be easy, but by Him, everything will just fall into a place. I would end my post by sharing one of my favorite du'a by Prophet Sulaiman (AS):
"My Lord! Inspire me to always be thankful for Your favours which You have blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please you. Admit me, by Your mercy, into the company of Your righteous servants."
"Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah daku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatMu yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redhai; dan masukkanlah daku dengan limpah rahmatMu dalam kumpulan hamba-hambaMu yang soleh."
(An-Naml : 19)
Yours truly,
IR.
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