I am not sure if this is what's good for me. But, here I am trying my luck to obtain the scholarship. Because of that, I had to take my first ever IELTS test. It costed me A LOTTTTT of money. I spent almost RM800 for a test. It was ridiculous but again, here I am trying my best to secure the scholarship that I've been eyeing months ago.
To throw the money for the test without the confirmation of getting the scholarship was just like a gambling game. I'm unsure if this is the right term to use, 'gamble' but it seems like it. The institution that I'm applying to has set a requirement that I must have the English test taken or else they won't consider my application. The chances of getting it is 50-50 I got to say; I may receive the scholarship or I may not getting it at all. I bet the numbers of applicants that applied for the scholarships are absolutely high and most of them must be coming from impressive background compared to me.
I am not trying to self sabotage but I would rather be realistic.
I was extremely nervous to take IELTS (honestly). I hate exams anyway! haha. Therefore, when the moment I saw the requirement, my heart fainted. It was nerve-wrecking time for me to take the test. I prepared myself by revising like it was a major thing! I was really serious about it. Man, why did I take things so seriously in this life?! Well why noooootttttt. I'm not going to sacrifice more money for another attempt, like please God no more. I hope it is for the first time and the last. Please pray for my score, may I get an ideal score that qualifies me to be considered as one of the scholarship recipient.
I gotta do my master. I know this journey will not going to be as smooth as butter but I believe if it's good for me, it will be meant for me no matter how rocky the path will be. Please pray this for me too. I need this knowledge. I must take this opportunity to be better, for the sake of future generation. I hope I can use my expertise to give lights to children all around the world. Mannnnnnn, this makes me tearing up! I love education. I love children wholeheartedly! I want them to have the best experience in learning. I want them to loveeeeeeeee knowledge and to loveeeeee learning too. Therefore, it's best for me to prepare myself as the specialist to go beyond.
My IELTS invigilator asked me 'Why don't you do child psychology?" You know what, Frankly speaking, I have been thinking about it for the longest time. Child's psychology has been always in my mind. When he asked me that, he just encouraged me to not giving up on my wildest dream. Whatever that he said to me nothing is impossible for me to achieve. "It's possible."
I believe it's possible for me to open up my own child center in each state throughout Malaysia. I believe it's possible for me to become a child psychologist to help more children with special needs. I believe it's possible for me to build my own Yayasan to fund underprivileged students for their studies. I believe if this is good for me and for everyone around me, God won't let me down. He definitely will get me through it. InshaAllah.
For now, pray hard.
I love you, Izzaty. Please stay motivated. You can do this.
Love,
IR.
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