Random draft during the lockdown

I've crushed on someone. I'm ready to confess my feelings. I even practiced what to say to him. I'm ready too to accept the rejection if any haha. When I think I am set, I am ready this Covid19 thing happened. Even, it became worst everyday. No sign of leaving us anytime soon. Each day, we would be heard any new number of cases which thousands!!! Numerous cases we couldn't even imagine ourselves. The new clusters kept coming in. It's extremely annoying knowing the fact it's supposed to be a total lockdown but turns out it is a half baked lockdown. It's overwhelmed to see the numbers of cases spike with no sign of reducing. I feel hopeless now.

 I still have a crush on him. But the fact he might be struggling too, I forget my intention to confess my feelings to him. I think this is not the best time yet to even think about my own feelings. I would say it's selfish to center everything all about me now. During this pandemic, I think he might not in the best mind to talk about this love-relationship thing. I think I should keep this feeling to myself. Alone. 

I think this what needed to be done; let universe takes part.

I still thinking about him. When I was eager to tell him about how I feel, I told myself, perhaps, He is not the one who I'm looking for. Perhaps too, he is not the one who is looking for me. So, shut the mind up. Keep living your life. I tried, but ended up I get worried when thinking about him. Knowing the fact his hospital which he works in is collapsing due to Covid19's outrages of the flood of patients getting in the hospital makes my heart worried even more. How are you, really?

Whenever I asked, he always keep it to himself and with positivity he has, he would utter "Alhamdulillah. I'm ok." I have no idea how bad it is but I can sense it's nowhere to be good if our country leader didn't take any action to solve the issue regarding our sinking healthcare system. I'm worried about our future too. This is sad.

When my friend suggested me to barge in and let him know my feelings, I have no guts to do it. Like really, I think I can't do it. How can I confess when I know this current situation is hard? Hard for everyone. Even me, myself is struggling with my own business. I don't think I can think straight and I know I am not in my clear mind to decide which is what.

I've crush on someone and I'm trying to brush it off. 

I'm brushing it off harder to get if out of my mind. I even told myself, that he is not even interested or has mutual feelings as mine (when I don't even get the clarification from him?) Oh Lord, I'm such an overthinker! I need to stop this right now. 

Let me tell you the truth about myself; I am scared of being rejected by someone I like. Therefore, I would rather keep the feeling with myself. Again, alone. No matter how much I know I want to take care of him perhaps that won't be enough for me to convince him if this feeling is the genuine one. I put my efforts into an action but I don't think he sees it all. Maybe we couldn't careless with whatever I did. 

I better stop hoping for someone to like me back. Because when someone wants you, they know the way to get to you. I guess (I'm sorry if assume too much but I am so afraid!) it's time to forget about my feeling. This feeling would eventually fade away. If it's not, it knows who deserve it.